So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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