she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
3pm strippers are depressing
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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