I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
