i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
this is an emotional support booty call
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
