she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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