Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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