if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
