i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
