the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
