I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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