ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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