i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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