OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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