I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The uberlube is also flammable
so much tequila, so little girl.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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