running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
