where am i from again
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
