the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
