im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
