I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
false alarm, still single
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
