you guys were way drunker than both of me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
