Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
