He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
