around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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