Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
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Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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