How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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