So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This house was built for laser tag.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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