You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
