he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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