we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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