you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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