oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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