Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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