We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have post one night stand depression
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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