so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
