guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
