I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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