Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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