Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
