I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
