the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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