We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
