my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize