Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
