Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
