I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
