How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
