I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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