Umm I'm too high to move.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize