So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
