Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
