its not stalking. its research.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
