She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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