just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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