i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
