Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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