so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
