Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
