If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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