They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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