Who wears a wallet chain?!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
