That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
