No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
