Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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