I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
