i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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