Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
