I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
