oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
