I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
