Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
