if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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