Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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