What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
