y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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