and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
