quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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