Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Two words: blizzard sex
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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