OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
